after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
