"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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