It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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