their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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