well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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