I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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