everyone is single if you try hard enough
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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