Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
