He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am one with the molecules
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
