She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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