worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
