just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
