I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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