If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
