Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There's always time for handjobs
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
