Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
