i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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