When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As shirtless as possible
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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