I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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