I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
