he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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