he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My dick has a subreddit
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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