plz talk dirty to me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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