my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
