the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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