once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
