This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
