The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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