How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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