Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
