sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
