So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
