I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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