We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
