There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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