It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
