Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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