if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
