Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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