he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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