The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
