I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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