I love black thongs
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you will always have a special place in my vag
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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