The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
