Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
