You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
