this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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