I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
