stop calling my apartment porn island.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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