You just made me feel so damn special
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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