There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
