I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
